I've been considering how to approach this thought. I started yesterday, but the experience that prompted the thought was still too much on my mind. It's a good thing I waited because it allowed the Holy Spirit to work on me a bit.
First some background, and then I want to share a personal experience that caused so much trouble in my family.
I became a Christian about 1994. My Mother-in-law claims to be one since my husband was a teenager. I say claims, because the fruit just ain't there. We moved from Illinois to Texas about 7 years ago, 2 weeks out of radiation therapy for stage IV breast cancer (it was later lowered to stage III). I had been through the surgery, chemo and radiation. We didn't trust God, even though we knew He wanted us in Texas, to find a job right away and then a house. So we decided to buy a house with my in laws. They sold the house they had, and that paid for their half of the new house. We took out a mortgage on our half. After about 5 months of perfect living, she turned into her real self. I became Cinderella. The stress caused me to have PTSD symptoms, which caused epilepsy. I had been abused as a child. I remembered the baby sitter's son's actions, but I had buried the baby sitter's verbal abuse. My MIL was exactly like the baby sitter in personality.
Of course she denied every comment to my husband, and for the longest time he thought I was making it all up. But then she accused my mother of having an affair with her own brother because my brother looks like his uncle.....she did this at the dinner table where my two children were. My husband's jaw hit the table in shock.
As soon as my handicapped son turned 18 and was eligible for SSI, we moved out. Of course we moved out right as the housing market crashed. Now we had 2 mortgages. Then we had a car die on us, and had to borrow one of her vehicles. Then my husband broke his leg and we were out of work for 2 months. About a year before he broke his leg, we felt led to start stock piling food. This fact saved not only us, but his parents as well.
Because my husband is retired Navy, and collecting a military retirement check, and my son had his SSI coming in, we were able to make our bills. If we had not stored up food, we would have had to not pay one of the mortgages. My monthly food bill runs about $700 for the four of us, mostly because three of us can't have wheat, oats, barley or rye. We're Celiac. We were paying just about that for the mortgage on the house his parents still lived in. She didn't try very hard to sell it, because it's a big house and she's a social climber/name dropper. You know the type. In preparation for downsizing, she quit having parties in her house so it wouldn't seem odd that she stopped because she had a smaller house.
That brings us to the little incident that happened at the beginning of this week. She needed help putting stuff away in her new house. She likes to use age as an excuse, but it's her obesity that is the main problem. But, I try to give help where I can. I'm battling cancer (going on two years now) and my husband has been dealing with a broken leg for a year. We couldn't help and she knows it. So she asked if my younger son (13) wanted to come over to help and spend the night. I said he could. He normally didn't like to in the other house, because there were always bugs in the house. I figured a new house, she didn't have time to let bugs accumulate. She's not a good housekeeper.
My son got a lecture on how we aren't depending on God to provide for us. She said the next time we're at the grocery store and my husband buys something for our "stock pile" my son should remind me that God will provide. I really wish she would say stuff like that to me, instead of going behind my back to brainwash my children.
So, I had a fight with the Holy Spirit. I KNOW I was called to stock up. I don't believe the end of the world is coming. If I believed that, I wouldn't stock up because I believe in the Rapture. If Jesus comes back for us, we won't need food. But I also believe the parts of the Bible where He told people to prepare for things. Noah comes to mind. He worked for 120 years to build an ark when there had never been water falling from the sky...ever. You think he got ridiculed? I also remember Joseph. After he got his coat of many colors because he was his dad's favorite, his other brothers sold him into slavery. The Pharaoh had a dream, and came to Joseph for the meaning. Joseph told he there would be 7 years of plenty, and then 7 years of famine. So, during the 7 years of plenty, the people didn't just roll in the success, they scrimped and saved and stored the food away, just a little. But over 7 years it added up. So, when the famine came, they were prepared. Joseph's family had to come to Egypt begging for food. That's where the fight with the Holy Spirit came in for me.
In my human-ness, I wanted to tell her, "Don't come to me for food when the economy collapses and your two weeks worth of food you keep on your shelves is gone. I'll make you buy it from me." Then God reminded me that Joseph returned the money in the sack of food.
Darn it, I hate it when the Holy Spirit reminds me of these things. We have shelves built along one wall for the stuff we put away. I have a white king size duvet cover hanging in front so it kind of hides it. Out in my garage, I have an old computer hutch, the kind that closes up, with shelves inside. I'm going to dig that out and move it inside and start putting a little away just for them. I know I'm going to argue with God with every can I put in there. I am so angry at God for asking me to do this, but I'll do it. He knows she will never come around, but He loves her too, and wants to provide for her. I just hate that he's using me, the one who she abused for so many years, to do the providing.
So that's what I'm doing to prep today. I have to clean all of my old clown stuff out of the hutch (yes, I used to be a professional clown before epilepsy), move stuff out of the way so I can get it in the house. Then I have to sit down with her recipes (she sent me a file so I could make the stuff my husband grew up on) and convert it to shelf stable and then go grocery shopping for those ingredients. And I know she won't even appreciate it. She has no care for anything I write, and I haven't given her my blog addresses, so I know she will never see this. In order to keep peace in the family, I'm not telling her. She would just make more fun of me and tell me I'm not trusting in God. Funny thing is, if I didn't trust in God, she wouldn't be able to eat when the grocery shelves go bare.
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